This weekend was one of those weekends when it’s freezing outside, but you’re lucky enough to stay home in your warm blanket. After long and hard week I finally got a chance to enjoy a cup of coffee, watch favorite series (which in my case is House MD) and just relax. Of course, as usually, as soon as I’m alone all kinds of thoughts are running through my mind and changing one another in seconds.
You know when life sometimes happens to turn out exactly opposite than you could have ever imagined? When something shatters you to million little pieces which you feel like you will never be able to put together? Every single day I’m trying to put my pieces together while not hurting anyone else, but as soon as I find a suitable spot for a piece apparently it belongs to someone else and I give it away, and I try to find another again and again and again… That missing piece is my happiness. We all are like little children playing with puzzle. Some pieces are lost, some we still have, some we are trying to find…
I realised that besides the fact that I was shattered myself, I was constantly upsetting others around me since the day I came to London. In Lithuania, no matter how sad I was, at least I wasn’t upsetting people around me so much. And I’m so sorry. I wish someone held my hand and told me everything will be alright now. But now it’s too late. Anyway, I believe no one can save me and I have to fight my invisible war myself.
Today I want to travel the world. No, not big cities or crowded places. I want to go somewhere, where the only thing you see is blue ocean. Sound of waves. Warm wind when sun goes down… Holding hands with the loved one and simply living the moment when nothing else matters. I hope that at some point of my life this beautiful (but oh so cliché) idea will come true.